The great certainty in life, the tax office will make you want to kill things within the first 5 seconds of dealing with them.

If you file online  – it’s quick and easy to do the answerphone robot tells me – you only get 3 tries to put in your password. If you do it wrong it locks you out for 2 hours. It doesn’t tell you this. NOWHERE does it say this. You are permitted to try indefinitely typing in various strings of a madman’s alphabet soup, blissfully unaware that even if you get it right you will not be allowed in. If you contact online support for help you receive an email 24 hours later advising you that they do not assist with online login, you must phone. Yes, you heard me correctly THE ONLINE SUPPORT DEPARTMENT OF HMRC DOES NOT PROVIDE SUPPORT WITH THE MOST FUNDAMENTAL AND POPULAR ISSUE, ONLINE LOGIN.

Fuck me.