Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness MY ARSE.
I had my first ever panic attack this month (and subsequently have had two more). Words I feel that are helpful to convey what happens during an episode like that to the non-panic stricken are:
Inescapable, overwhelming, all-consuming, desperately frightening, dominating, ruthless, relentless, unforgiving, life-threatening.
The singular most helpful thing you can say to a person having a panic attack is “You are not going crazy.” Unfortunately I was alone at the time and found myself counting things (lines on the ceiling/panes of glass in the window) to try and stop thinking. It did pass and I am fine.
It was a fever-pitch battle with the clock all month, finishing paintings, chasing the gallery for communication regarding the installation of the work, putting together the selfie project, chasing printers and promoting the show. Working 18 hour days every day and barely managing to socialise with the newly arrived other resident artists at Popps.
I did have a wonderful birthday in the middle of it all on Friday the 13th. I hosted my first ever potluck which brought together the different groups of friends I’ve made here in Detroit. My German Popps roommate baked me an amazing cake too! The gin flowed and the conversation was warm and enlightening.
I also had a visit from Tony Hope, a Juggalo and an artist who has just completed his MA at Yale. That was a great evening and I really appreciate his work and world view.